Some thoughts after being fully vaccinated…
I am writing this blog post a few hours after taking my second dose of the Moderna vaccine on a partly cloudy and partly sunny Saturday in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. My feelings are somewhat like the weather today. I am extremely thankful to be fortunate enough to receive a vaccine which will hopefully help lower the spread of COVID-19. On the other hand, my mind races. I think of faces of those I know who have lost a loved one or loved ones to this disease. I think of those I do not even know. I think of bodies and of faces. I think of coffee cups sitting half-filled on the dresser with a pastel lipstick print etched on the brim. I think of an empty and unmade bed. I think of shoes left by the door. I think of books left unread on the shelf. I think of prescription bottles still on the bathroom vanity. How can human beings live with such contrasting emotions? How can we be relieved to have “made it” when so many have not? I spoke with a friend of mine this last week, and she was telling me how her sibling is in the hospital on a ventilator. You would think telling people ‘sorry for your loss’ or ‘sorry your partner/parent/sibling/friend is in the ICU’ would get easier with the sheer loss people have faced, but it does not. The loss never leaves those surrounding them, for they are left with the coffee cups, shoes, books, dirty laundry… the absence of a soul. My heart aches for our walk of life, and I do not know how we will ever return to the “before.” I do not believe society will ever return to who we were before March of 2020.
I think back to the “early days” of the pandemic, and how I was so exhausted from graduate school auditions, work, and school. I met the beginning of the shutdown with naïveté and trusted that the systems put in place would protect us from the eventual 548,000+ deaths in our country. I spent several days in late March listening to Maurice Duruflé’s Requiem while sitting in the low afternoon glow flooding my apartment bedroom. If you are not familiar, it is a forty-minute setting of the Latin mass to the most hauntingly transcendent music I have ever heard. The music’s journey is somewhat consistent with the mass’ structure. The rites, the blessings, the prayers, etc… It ends, however, with a short meditation titled In Paradisum. It reads, “Into Paradise may the angels lead you, may the martyrs welcome you in your coming and guide you into the holy city Jerusalem.” May the souls of our loved ones find peace and solace in wherever we find ourselves after we are no longer walking this earth, and may we find peace and comfort in knowing that their suffering has ended. May we remember the joy they brought us on our worst days. May we remember the hope they brought us when we did not believe in ourselves. May we remember their smile and the sound of their laugh when we feel helpless and sad. Our memory of them is what shall help govern us as we venture into the future.
Hi and welcome! Thanks so much for visiting!
Welcome to my blog! Something light to start: a partial list of the works and songs that helped get me through our toughest year. I’ll paste a link of my favorite recording beneath. I hope you find solace in at least one of them.
My Top 10 Pandemic Hits:
1. Debussy’s Sonata for Flute, Viola, and Harp
https://open.spotify.com/track/3hlq4f2LRsLj6k603MTZlj?si=oiHrWH1aS1qAXVjrgGxFLg
Just wow… this piece is so evocative, and Ms. Rowe, Ms. Zhou, and Mr. Ansell paint an exquisite picture in this recording.
2. Taylor Swift’s folklore and evermore
https://open.spotify.com/artist/06HL4z0CvFAxyc27GXpf02?si=tjCMYQdhR56FnlhrgnyAQA
Okay, so I will admit that I am swallowing a bit of pride here… I was not a Swiftie before these two albums. However, Taylor really shared an incredibly gentle and vulnerable side with listeners while we were in the middle of the worst part of the year (skyrocket cases, election turmoil, and helplessness).
3. Caroline Shaw’s Plan & Elevation
https://open.spotify.com/track/5GrauTneMxcVmrJPTBVAZm?si=VNv9mVT0TG2MgSP3X9YlZw
So this entire album is totally bad ass, and I must admit that Ritornello 2.sw.2.j.a was an incredibly close second. However, Plan & Elevation just covers such a wide landscape of emotions that I had no choice but to pick it. Caroline Shaw – we thank you.
4. Wolfie’s Oboe Quartet
https://open.spotify.com/track/62vNrBxQuPRz0x36Iy4P5u?si=fdJJycfqRbyDks9-_gmFMg
I began to closely study the numerous wind concerti and chamber works as I was preparing for my own performance of his concerto. I found myself listening to the Oboe Quartet the most, and eventually would catch myself singing the melodies of the first and third movement aloud while walking my dog around out neighborhood. I think John Ferillo perfectly portrays the effortlessness of how one should strive to sing technically demanding passages of Mozart.
5. Brahms’ Late Piano Works (Op. 117 and Op. 119)
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5kdZRdE5gg2geoYLAaxHXQ?si=rpr77KbfTjyFK_NruaCIbQ
Here is a link to a playlist I patched together of Emanual Axe playing these two collections. I am a huge Axe fan, and I was so excited to discover these on his discography. No. 1 of Op. 119 would leave me in a really really really heightened state of awareness as I would consider the lives lost to the pandemic of COVID-19 and racism. This one will make you feel everything.
6. Anything to come from Phoebe Bridgers
An explanation is not needed!!!
7. Alvin Singleton’s Jasper Drag
I began tossing back and forth the idea of recording an album in the near future with a dear friend of mine, and this was one piece I discovered that I really want to record.
8. Strauss’ Elektra
https://open.spotify.com/album/0fmTh7OL5sYmNO80TXT2BW?si=qQ193g4ZQF-2wH6GbQ4pVw
Yes, everyone knows I am in love with opera. You can blame my Instagram story for that one, but I do not care! This opera is one of the best operas to emerge from the 20th century. It is the pinnacle of Richard Strauss’ masterful control of themes, harmony, and texture. Not to mention, Harold Wright sounds amazing on all of these really demanding and awkward passages.
9. Max Richter’s The Blue Notebooks
https://open.spotify.com/track/05ST29gNqPs6wqLX3YnR4T?si=5XUtVuIRQCGspjcZ06_2rQ
I really began getting into Richter’s music around late December… yeah, yeah, yeah, I know… I am several years late. His harmonic language in addition to the specific use of Kafka’s journal entries really allow this work to stir your mind and heart until you can’t see straight.
10. Wolfie’s Die Zauberflote
https://open.spotify.com/album/5HlxT9P3UU6Ela3MgKqAis?si=TKxkf3Z7RWeMQnQjMCjc2A
Again, as I was preparing for the concerto performance, I was listening to tons of Mozart operas. However, this one really stuck with me. I believe the complexity of the plot in addition to how similar the harmony is to the K622 concerto kept me studying the libretti and score almost every night before bed.
One of my favorite quotes to come from Mozart’s operas are mentioned at the very end of this 2.5 hour opera. Together, Pamia and Tamino say, “Wir wandeln durch des Tones Macht froh durch des Todes düst’re Nacht” which translates to, “We walk, by the power of music, in joy through death’s dark night.” I think that sums up how music has served me this last year.